Self-observation – practical division/Meditation

In next few articles I will share my version of the methods for self-observation, specifically – protocols that work for me. These methods are an amalgam of other people’s practices and modifications as a result of my personal experience. They are simple but require consistent practice, in other words – discipline. It is important to like them or to enjoy the challenge to practice them and to tailor them to your needs. 

The first method is meditation.

There are numerous myths about meditation, different types of mediations and a good deal of meditation classes which leave us very confused whether to meditate or not and if we meditate whether we are doing it right or not. 

Let’s start from the beginning – some general rules. The ultimate goal of meditation is to nurture our wellbeing and to reduce or stop our suffering. Self-observation is part of this process of knowing ourselves, our bodies, our thoughts, our emotions and our habits. The most important principles of self-observation are: it is non-judgemental and does not require action following the insights it delivers.

I practice transcendental mediation – or, should I say my version of it. I researched thoroughly for a while and found out that this type of meditation best suits my personality and my needs. It works for me. 

Here is my transcendental meditation protocol:

1. The meditation pose

The pose is sitting and comfortable. The sitting position gives the right balance between focus and relaxation and with practice you will start to feel this balance. The same applies to comfort – find a sitting position that feels good and relaxed – for example, your usual position for watching television, a position in which you like reading books, support for your back, a position with crossed legs, etc. 

                                 

 

 

 

 

 However, do not be limited by the pose. You can meditate when you walk along the beach, lake, through the forest or park, when you are in the garden, etc. 

                                 

2. Length of meditation 

I do 20 mins meditation. I time it by using a cooking gadget or my phone. At the beginning you may feel that the session is too long, you become restless and want to stop. If 20 mins is too long try 10 mins and gradually increase the time. 

3. Time

I practice meditation straight after waking up, before drinking my coffee or before looking at my phone. When we sleep our subconscious is alive and working. It makes connections and creates patterns that we are not aware of. If you meditate after wakening you may become clear about what you learned when you slept. Believe me, it works. You will be surprised by the results. Useful solutions and creative ideas will come to you easily.

                                                       

Meditation can be practiced at any other time if it suits your lifestyle and daily schedule better. Sometimes I meditate in the afternoon and also feel the benefits. 

4. Other conditions 

  • silence – personally I prefer a quiet place for my meditation – my home, my garden, park or forest
  • eyes closed – I also prefer to close my eyes but it is entirely up to you

4. Process of meditation

  • start by sensing your breathing, gently inhale and exhale, without controlling your breath.  
  • try to relax your body as much as possible by breathing into it  
  • start repeating the sound “Ah-hum” in your mind. The vibrations of this sound helps to settle your  mind. 
  • your mind will wander and you will find yourself engaging with your thoughts.
  • if you notice that your mind wanders and you are engaging with them, stay passive, just return to sensing your breath and repeating the settling sounds. 
  • gradually you will lose awareness that you are meditating. 
  • do not get up straight after the mediation time is over, sit for a while, listen to your body, listen to your mind and then off you go. 

The most important thing –  you will start feeling the benefits of meditation NOT during the meditation time but during your daily life. 

They will come in two ways:

  • you will notice that the universe comes to you – you will have great ideas, inspiration, creative suggestions that come to you from “nowhere”, you will feel calmer, more focused, more content , etc. 

                                     

  • other people, especially people who know you – family, friends and colleagues, will give you feedback about the positive changes they see in you that you haven’t even noticed. 

Lastly, my honest advice – do not waste your money on meditation gurus, or meditation classes. All you need is to find a time (10-20 min) every day to practise meditation. If you are still not sure how to meditate there are so many guided meditations on the YouTube channel you are spoiled for choice. 

I recommend reading the book “Bliss More” by Light Watkins. It was very useful for me when I was creating my meditation practice. Maybe it will help you too. 

Self-observation


The season “The lost art of observation” has its first post about self-observation.

The concept of self-observation is self-explanatory: we watch and listen to ourselves, we watch and listen to our thoughts, feelings and behaviour.  
Why? I offer a very simple reason – because we need  to collect data about ourselves. We do not need to do anything with this data. Just collecting it changes us.
The art of self-observation has been lost because we do not practice it. We spend most of our lives on autopilot. The autopilot mode consists of our habits. When we are in autopilot mode our mind is not focused, it wanders. A recent study showed that people spend nearly 47% of their waking time in mind wandering, in other words – not thinking about what they are doing. Nothing wrong with that. We make more than 35,000 decisions a day so the autopilot mechanism helps enormously to live a comfortable life. The paradox is that the autopilot (our habits) make our lives easy and unhappy. Studies have discovered that when the mind wanders two things happen: we think about the past or we  plan the future.  And by doing that we become unhappy. So no surprise that so many mindful practices exist to keep us in the present.
 
 
As any art, self-observation is an activity that requires creative skills, practice and is based on some principles. In this post I will outline the principles of the art of self-observation  based on the book “Self-observation” by Red Hawk. 
 
 
 
1. Self-observation is non-judgmental. We do not classify, we do not conceptualise. We do not want to understand our past, why we are the person we are, why we are not as others. No! We just watch, listen, allow, accept. Whatever we observe – emotion, thought, action – we stay neutral. It is not at all easy to do it but it gets better with practice. 
 
2. Observing the object. In other words , we do not change the object of observation – we  do not engage with our thoughts, feelings or behaviour when we self-observe. The mind has a very specific characteristic – a thought appears, followed by another one , and another one, a chain of thoughts and feelings  and we find ourselves fully immersed in them. That is not self- observation, as the object of observation has changed. Again it is not easy to stay in line with this principle but practice makes us better. 
 
 
3. Sensations in our body. One very useful thing to remember is that the body and mind are interconnected and observing the sensations in our body not only collects data but keeps us in self-observing mode. We are observing the bodily sensations as well as our thoughts, emotions and behaviours. 
 
 
4. Honesty. Be brutally honest with yourself. We all want to look good in front of other people. We pretend, lie or suppress our manifestations. Self-observation requires honesty, the raw truth. It may cause pain but watching the pain, without interfering helps to transform it. Emotions are energy and the body knows how to deal with the energy, how to use and transform it. 
 
So, as a result of self-observation we gain some insights and these insights are about our habits.
What we do with these insights is up to us. We may choose to do nothing. Very good – the actual process of self-observation has already changed us, or at least our attitude to the habits. Or maybe we will choose to do something with the insights we have gained – establish new habits, change habits, break habits. 
The next post in this season is about the protocol of self-observation. 

Dopamine – the molecule of motivation and desire to pursue more Part 2

It is worthwhile using the knowledge of the powerful molecule of dopamine and its working mechanism to better our daily life. 
Again, as in Part 1 of the “Dopamine” post I base my suggestions on the podcasts of Andrew Huberman, a Professor of neurology and ophthalmology at the Stanford School of Medicine. Many of you have heard of  these practices/protocols, tried them or use them regularly. They work! They will work even better if you modify them to suit your personality and ability and to stay flexible in their implementation.
 
1.The first protocol is very simple, free and has proven useful in my own experience. You already know that dopamine is released even in anticipation of an event. If you engage your mind to rehearse your actions with excitement and anticipation, the dopamine will be released as a result and motivate you to really get into action. You just need to be very thorough, to go through the details of the motion, step by step. For example, if you need to study but cannot make yourself open the book just imagine what you need to do in complete detail: – getting up and sitting at the desk, opening the textbook, finding the subject chapter, starting to read and understanding the text, enjoying the reading etc. 

You can use this protocol for everything you want to do but just cannot find the motivation. If you want to do some running  but cannot make yourself to do it – imagine you are getting up from the sofa/bed, putting on your fancy sport gear, then the trainers, then the fancy sports watch, setting it up, go out, starting running, enjoying it and feeling great. I used to practice that with my running, now I am applying it to my yoga sessions and it works every time.

 
2. Having cold showers. Actually, not only cold showers but also swimming in cold sea, plunging  in cold bath, going to a spa equipped with Scandinavian cold water baskets etc. I have been practicing having cold showers for more than 18 months now and cold showers are part of my morning routine. I start with a warm shower and the last 1.30-2 mins I turn the tap to cold. I like having cold water all over my body including my head but it is time consuming to dry my hair afterwards so I take it as it comes – flexibility is the key. 
The benefits are tremendous. I feel energised, my body feels strong and capable, I have a clear mind and I am calm and alert. The dopamine euphoria lasts approximately 2-3 hours. Delicious! It does not matter how cold the water is and how long you stay in it, as long as it is safe and you feel the benefits afterwards. Nothing dangerous or silly must be attempted. 
 
I initially heard about the cold dopamine therapy listening to a podcast with Wim Hof (The Ice Man).  His life and achievements are incredible and you can read his life story online. He seems a very charming, convincing and good-hearted man. I have been using his app to guide my cold shower practice and breathing techniques for  more than a year and find it very useful. 
Of course, you need to be aware that you will feel the shock of the low temperature every time you go into the cold water, regardless of how long you have been practicing. But that has very positive side effects – it teaches you to face challenges and to stay calm under pressure. If you do not fancy doing this alone there are local groups that practice swimming in cold water, I personally know a local group of women swimming in the sea called “ The Blue Tits”. It sounds like great fun. 
3. And the last of my protocols for dopamine benefits is intermittent fasting. Firstly, if you recall, regular end rewards actually kill the enjoyment of the activity. Secondly, after every dopamine peak there is a dopamine low. So I practice skipping some rewards. It is the same as being hungry – If you were hungry the food you put in your mouth is delicious, tasty and gives you pleasure. Thirdly, novelty and surprise lead to a huge dopamine release. Giving yourself less rewards, employing novelty and surprise, works not only to release dopamine and motivate you but also helps you to maintain the baseline dopamine level in your body or even to increase it. Sounds counterproductive but it works in reality. I like fashion and buying clothes is one of my rewards for good achievements. However, I often avoid  giving myself this reward. My focus is on enjoying the work, the creativity, the challenge. I am saying to myself that I  am not there for rewards, I am there because I like what I am doing. If the rewards comes, that is even better. 
I remember one morning when I was doing Ashtanga yoga. There is a pose called Parivritta Parsvakonasana (Revolved Side Angle Posture). It was not only difficult to pronounce, it was always difficult for me to do and to hold it. I was very tempted to skip it as it was too hard. And then the thought appeared. – It is hard exactly because I need to do it, I need to work on it, not to avoid it. Facing the challenge to try to hold the posture also gave me enjoyment and excitement.The motivation I received from this thought helps me in many other situations when it is hard. If it is hard it is because we have the pleasure of challenging ourselves to make it easier with practice. 

Dopamine – the molecule of motivation and desire to pursue

I am a big fan of podcasts and hope to launch my own lifestyle podcast “Natter with Nina” in October 2022. 
This article about the chemical in our brain called dopamine rephrases some of the podcasts on the subject created by Andrew Huberman, a Professor of neurology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. His podcasts are based on “neuro-biological principles and objective mechanisms”.
 
Dopamine is a very powerful molecule in our body and has two main roles:
1. It controls our motor functions (our movements)
2. It influences anticipation, motivation to go out and pursue and the desire for more
You probably recall that serotonin was the molecule of bliss, of contentment with what you have, of the here and now. The dopamine molecule is the opposite – it motivates us to reach out for resources, to have more, to desire or to crave.
The amount of dopamine in our body is determined by our genes. Therefore some people are naturally more driven, ready for action and striving to achieve. Others are more apathetic with a lower urge to attain goals or satisfy needs. 
 
So our dopamine baseline is set up genetically. Additionally there are behaviour (activities) and substances that can increase our level of dopamine. For example:
  • eating chocolate increases the level of dopamine 1.5 times
  • practicing sex (including persuasion, anticipation and actual sex) – 2 times
  • nicotine – 2.5 times
  • cocaine – 2.5 times
  • exercise (only if you enjoy it) – 2 times
  • amphetamine – 10 times.
 
It looks simple – practice these activities or take substances and you will achieve your goals. Sorry, It is not so simple at all. The catch is that every peak of dopamine in the body is followed by a crash in the dopamine level and more importantly, the crash lowers the amount of dopamine  below the starting line.  I remember crossing the finishing line of my first marathon in Rome – it brought me indescribable pleasure, I felt great, I felt on the top of the world. Some days later all this euphoria was gone and I felt very depleted, very sad. 
If the peaks of dopamine are very high the lows are very low and eventually the general dopamine baseline will decrease. Moreover, dopamine is the chemical of craving, of the desire to have more. After every release of dopamine we feel pleasure followed by the pain of craving for more. So, the first time you try a Lindt chocolate it melts in your mouth and pleasure spreads through your body, but the second time it is not so great and the next time even less. You need more and more chocolate to feel the same delight as before. It is a vicious circle and leads to addiction – drug addiction, food addiction, sex addiction, gambling addiction, video games addiction, Iphone addiction, social media platforms addiction, addiction to pornography, etc. Having more decreases the pain of craving.
Another important fact is that novelty and surprise bring huge releases of dopamine.
Dopamine motivates us to take action to achieve a goal and obtain the reward. And here is another catch in the way dopamine works. To achieve the goal requires hard work, even harder if the work is not liked and the reward comes at the end. An interesting project was conducted at Stanford University involving children in kindergartens. Only children who liked drawing were selected to participate and they were given rewards at the end of every drawing session – golden stars and some toys. After a period of time the scientists stopped giving these regular rewards. Remarkably, the children also stopped enjoying the drawing as a result. The pleasure of the regular rewards surpassed the pleasure received from drawing and made the effort to achieve the goal (drawing better) much more difficult. The release of dopamine as result of regular end rewards can keep you motivated for a short period of time but do not work in the long term.
So this molecule of pleasure and pain seems quite awkward, like Jekyll  and Hyde. How can we use the knowledge that science gives us to be more motivated and more driven to achieve our goals? The wonderful Professor Andrew Huberman has suggested some tools and protocols to help with that. Maybe you have already guessed some of them or even practice them. The next post in this section will be about how to balance the pleasure and pain of dopamine release for our benefit in everyday life. 

Was Nietzsche wrong – why do not we listen?

Recently I came across a statement of Friedrich Nietzsche (yes, the German philosopher who also said “What does not kill you makes you stronger”) – “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music”.

Initially I quite liked the statement. Those who do not hear and listen to something so beautiful and emotional like music (they are obviously not cool and do not have fun) condemn the awesome people who enjoy and treasure the dance of life. And, of course, I was in the group of the quirky people. 

 

On second thoughts, I was not so keen on the proposition. Actually, I found it divisive and dogmatic. It says that there are only two ways to react if you listen – to dance and be cool or to  brand those different from you insane.
What happens if you listen to music and enjoy it quietly? What if you listen to music and sing-along? What if dancing is not good for your body and soul?

 

This brought me to the big subject of the art of listening. We all want to be heard but we do not listen. Why is that? Is it only the listener who is to blame? 
Communication is a two-way process and let’s look at the reasons we do not listen. 
1. We do not listen because we are thinking what we will say when the speaker finishes talking. Human beings are selfish and our opinion is more important to us than the other’s – that’s life. However, there are also other contexts when our words could have significant consequences , so rehearsing them in our mind instead of listening is what we do. 
2. We hear the speaker through our conscious or unconscious prejudice. Maybe we do not like the appearance, the accent, the manners, etc of the speaker.  (Incidentally, I am very proud of my post “Let’s celebrate the accents”. Yesterday i read a newspaper article which not only confirmed my conclusions but announced the commencement of a major project into accent bias.: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/jun/12/accent-discrimination-is-alive-and-kicking-in-britain-study-suggests).
3. We are genuinely not interested in the subject  – we know much more on the subject, we have heard the speech many times, we do not know why we are there. 
4. The pace of speaking is not right – it is speedy or it is very slow. If the speech is quick we cannot not process it, if it is very slow we lose the will to live (reference: work or club meetings)
5. The language is too complicated or intolerable.
6. We are tired or even exhausted. Listening requires mental energy and physical or mental tiredness is a barrier to listening. 
7. We are in flow – doing something that absorbs us, something that we are passionate about and don’t want to stop and listen to the distraction.
8. We listen but what we understand is different to what was said. The reason is being we subjectively process the words through our own experiences and values.
9. The environment is very noisy and it is difficult to listen. 
10. We disagree with what was said and stop listening.

Poor speaker! George Bernard Shaw (Irish play writer and winner of the Nobel Prize for literature in 1925) describes it beautifully: “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place”.